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TRUCK DRIVER CLAIMS, "I LIKE TO SPANK IT WHILE I DRIVE"
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Memphis, TN- Reginold Baker recently told reporters that it makes
it a lot easier to drive long distances in a truck if he can "rub
one out" while driving.
"You have to get your technique down," claimed Reginold. "It's hard
to work the steering wheel, the gears, the brakes, and your bologna
roll."
Apparently over the six years of truck driving, Reginold has had
some interesting things happen. "One time I was following this
girl," he commented. "I was on a four lane interstate in the middle
of the day and she had the convertible down so I could see her
perfectly. I was goin' at it and I never thought to look over to my
left, which I should have, because there was another trucker driving
right next to me watching. God was my face red!"
He continued. "Or there was this one time I got pulled over by a
Highway Patrolman. When we stopped he got out of his car real
quick. I really didn't have enough time to put my pants back on,
and I was still wearing the panty hose from last night. He looked
at me like I was a nut! I can laugh about it now..."
When asked of his future plans, Reginold commented, "I don't really
care, as long as I got my truck...and I can pound one out every
once in a while, I'm happy."
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LOCAL JACK ASS HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT
Cincinnati, OH- Will Sanford, law student and local jack ass claimed
Tuesday, "Man, I can tell honies anything and they'll get in the
sack with me."
Will has been reportedly perfecting his skill by frequenting Ohio's
bar scene. "Man chicks get drunk and they want it. Believe me
buddy," he said with a mischievous grin. "I'm an expert at getting
the wool my man. You just gotta know what to say. I mean they'll
believe anything man. Like...If they're a little pudgy, tell you
own a gym and you'll give them free membership, but you're fresh
out of business cards. If she like to dance, tell her you used to
dance back-up for Bobby Brown."
When we asked some of his prey what they had to say, one girl
commented, "This jack ass told me he owned the bar. My freaking ex-
boyfriend owns the bar. What a loser."
We'll keep you posted on Will's success.
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SPEAKING OF JACKIN' THE BEANSTALK
Here's a little joke a buddy of mine told me:
This guy was at home one day with his wife when he had the sudden
urge to go out with Mother Thumb and her four daughters. His wife
was in the bathroom and he didn't want to go to the bedroom for
fear of getting caught.
He walked outside and looked around. He saw his neighbors were
having a cook-out, so he thought it would be a bad idea to do it
there.
So he hopped in his car and started driving. Eventually the urge
got so strong that he just decided to pull over and give it a
couple of lashes on the side of the rode.
He didn't want anyone to see him wanking off, so he got underneath
his car and went to work. A few moments later a cop pulled up and
walked over.
"What ya doin' there buddy?" The cop asked.
Nervously, the man replied, "Oh, I'm just changing the oil...."
The cop thought for a second and said, "Well, you might want to
check your brakes too because your car just rolled down the hill."
Tim@radicalcomedy.com
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TENSION ARISES IN THE EZINED.COM NEWSROOM
Lexington, KY- After a dispute over who's got the best ezine, Tim
Mars reportedly assaulted Heather Kendall in a brawl that left
spectators claiming, "Damn, I didn't know he was like that."
"Well first I gave her a stiff left hook, and then a series of
rabbit punches to the ribs. She was pretty winded after that so it
only took another good jab to the nose to bring her down."
"He's only showing you what he did! You don't get to see what I
did!" Claimed Heather. "I grabbed a fire extinguisher and made him
sing soprano."
The dispute reportedly arose when Heather insisted that Tim change
the name "UncensoredU.com" to "ILoveHeather.com".
"She must be on crack." Responded Tim.
We'll keep you posted on "Beef at eZined".
Place your bets on the winner here:
Tim@Radicalcomedy.com
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COPS BECOME EASY TARGET FOR RIDICULE
Here's another joke one of my buddies told me:
There are three cops that are about to finish up there training and
become certified. Two of them are women and one of them is a man.
The Chief, who had been handling the training, had only one request
of them before they become official police. He first turned to one
of the ladies.
"Before you can become a cop, you have to shoot your husband."
She thought about it for a while, and reluctantly said, "No, I just
can't do it."
He went to the second lady and said, "OK, you also have to kill
your husband to become part of the force."
She thought about it for a long time and finally declined.
He then asked the guy if he would kill his wife. He accepted, so
the Chief gave him a gun and told him to do the deed.
The cop-in-training went inside while the other three stayed
outside. They heard six shots, and then a loud commotion, as if
furniture was being thrown around. He finally came back outside
and the others asked him what happened.
"Well," he said. "The gun you gave me was loaded with blanks, so
I had to grab a chair to get the job done."
Invite your friends to subscribe to RadicalComedy.com or any of the
other newsletters provided by eZined.com, part of the iEntry
Network:
www.ezined.com/newsignup.html
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