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PORK COMPANIES TAKE THE "SEXY" APPROACH
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After a decrease in sales, despite the "Pork: The Other White Meat"
campaign, marketers of the pork industry have decided to take a new
approach making pork a much more sexy meat.
"People have always called sex 'porking', haven't they?" asked Pork
President Larry Mislenia. "Pork is sexy. There's nothing like a
big pork-roast to get me hot and bothered."
Apparently the National Institution for Pork is going to publish a
sex book titled, "Pork: It May be the Other White Meat, But It's All
Pink Inside."
Officials have yet to say definitely what the book will consist of,
but it is supposed to hit the racks by early January.
"We want to start off the New Year with a bang," remarked Mislenia.
Be sure to bang some pork today.
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"HOW YA' DOIN'?"...."THANKS"
I just love it when I say, "How are you doing?" And the person
replies with, "Thanks."
Or when I say, "Come back and see us," and the person says, "I love
you too."
Or when I say, "Have a good one," the person responds with, "I think
velcro is man's greatest accomplishment."
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 RADICAL COMEDY READER GETS PAPER-CUT, FORCES iEntry TO DISCONTINUE
ADS FOR ANYTHING RELATED TO PAPER.
We recently ran an ad for a cigarette company and got so many
responses from people saying that they were offended. Why be
offended by an ad? If you don't want it, don't buy it.
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!
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AREA STONER HAS
"BEST MEAL OF ENTIRE LIFE"
LEXINGTON, KY- Lloyd Davids, famous locally for his ability to spit loogies of
distances up to a record 36 feet, had "the best meal of his entire
life" Thursday after a late night marijuana-induced craving for
cheeseburgers.
"Maybe it was the grease, or the secret sauce," remarked Lloyd,
"But something was just kickin' in that damn burger. The fries were good
too."
Apparently Lloyd has become an expert on judging all of the pot-head hot-spots.
"Basically anything is good. Waffle House really delivers in the late
hours, burger joints are good for the day-time."
When asked if he would join the National Panel of Culinary Criticism, Lloyd
remarked simply, "I am just a normal Joe, who eats normal burgers."
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RICHARD SIMMONS CAUGHT "BEEFING-UP" WITH STEROIDS.
LOS ANGELES, CA- Aerobics guru Richard Simmons was caught Thursday
distributing steroids to several small people claiming (in a new
discovered "masculine" voice), "It's time I beefed-up a little,
I've always been such a little shrimp."
He realized he wanted to embrace this new approach when he was
assaulted recently after trying to "Sweat Into the Oldies" at LA's
trendy Vipor Room.
"You know, it was like some rad new band," commented one spectator,
"And then there's Richard with tight polka-dot shorts and a tank-top
yelling, 'burn...and move...that's right...now slide.'"
Officials have yet to comment on his release date.
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