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OHIO WOMAN LEAVES HUSBAND FOR WELL-HUNG CANINE
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COLUMBUS, OH- Nancy Zylster, active PTA member and mother of two,
recently filed for divorce after 26 years of marriage to Patrick
Zylster.
"It's nothing against Patrick, he just had a problem even Viagra
couldn't fix."
When asked for details on the divorce she commented, "My dog Skamps
is always happy to see me when I get home, and he loves licking me,
which Patrick hasn't done in years. Plus he's hung like a God damn
walrus."
Reportedly Skamps has been prancing around the other dogs gloating
about his human lover. One local Shih Tzu remarked, "He's always
bragging about it. I mean I know we're just dogs, but I really wish
he'd throw some pants on."
When asked about his relationship with Nancy, Skamps replied (after
taking a long drag off a Black-and-Mild cigar), "I can't help it, I
mean look at it, this thing is half the size of me!"
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
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 RADICAL COMEDIAN ESCAPES DEATH FROM ANGRY READER
Reginald Haymaker, local religious leader and "expert on good
comedy," responded to the last issue of RadicalComedy not only
with negative criticism, but by blowing-up my damn car.
"You're no Bob Saget kid, now he's got some good clean comedy" he
said while looking at me suspiciously as he sifted through his
trunk.
If anyone is interested in giving me a new car (I'd like a Miata)
contact:
Tim@RadicalComedy.com
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NEW DEPARTMENT STORE ALLOWS YOU TO PURCHASE COMPANIONS
A revolutionary new department store opened this Saturday in sunny
Lexington, Kentucky. The concept has been tossed around for a few
years but was cemented recently to feature "girls for sale."
"I can't believe nobody thought of this earlier," commented CEO
Robert "Mr. Tickle" Herkemer. "You buy one for a week or so, and if
you're a member you can just trade them in for a new one."
Local feminist groups were outraged, claiming "It's unfair to buy
women."
Herkemer responded, "Men have been doing it for years, we're just
eliminating the whole dating process."
To purchase Heather Kendall go to:
www.ezined.com
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KATHIE LEE BANNED FROM 'REGIS'
Producers of "Regis and Kathie Lee" have banned Kathie Lee
Gifford, who is promoting a new album, from appearing and even
advertising on the show she co-starred on for 15 years until July.
Here are some of the reasons why they are so adamantly restricting
her.
*She was trying to steal some of the fortune of Regis' success by
starting a show called, "Who Wants to Beat the Shit Out of Me?"
*She was no longer giving "courtesy laughs" to Regis when he made
retarded jokes about housewives and crock-pots.
*She was linked to a cartel that smuggled potpourri and scented
candles.
*She insisted to the producers that Regis bathe before the show
claiming, "He smells like a damn bucket of stool."
*She claimed to her fans, "I've got an ALBUM now. I'm a REAL star."
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