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Sometimes Rascal
Doesn't Even Want His Tummy Rubbed
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New Jersey couple Ron and Elda Mistleberry were surprised yesterday
when their usually complacent feline, Rascal, took a drastic change
in attitude.
SANTA CLAUS NEEDS LOVIN’ TOO.
It’s been rumored that Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus have recently
filed for divorce. To aide Santa in his new life of being a
bachelor, we’ve compiled a list of pick-up lines that would be
perfect for the big furry fruit.
"You can be naughty OR nice, either one is fine.” "I don’t need to climb in your chimney to get things hot.” "Why don’t you throw a little vodka in the milk you leave out for me this year, I’m not in a big rush.” "Rudolph got way to drunk to lead this year, and Donner’s been eyeballing your Alaskan Huskie. What do you say the four of us paint the town red?” "Let me get some of these little jerks out of the way, and then you can go sit on my lap in the sleigh.” "I can see you when you’re sleeping, and I watch you all night.” "It’s no coincidence that they call my home ‘The North Pole’”. |
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ANNOYING THINGS TO DO WHEN SOMEONE SITS DOWN TOO CLOSE TO YOU
 1) Lick your hands and slick your hair back.2) Keep scratching your genitals and sniffing your finger. 3) Say things like, "I hate it when I forget to bathe." 4) Make a chewing noise, even if there is no food in your mouth. 5) Repeatedly ask, "Am I bothering you?” 6) Tell a long drawn-out story about the first time you shaved. 7) Make up words like, "mesuey" or "besoit" and say them under your breathe. 8) Take off your shoes, rub your feet, and say cliches like, "Oh brother, my dogs are barking today.” 9) Ask the person, "Am I hot in here?” 10) Lean over and press your face against their shoulder. |
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 MY COUCH IS TRIPPIN', DUDE
What if you came home buttered one night and your furniture and appliances started talking to you. What do you think they would have to say? They'd probably all make fun of the blender 'cuz he's been nailing his little sister since they were kids. Edited by Tim Mars |
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