| |
| |
|
|
| |
EZINED.COM EDITORS COMPLAIN, "RADICAL COMEDIAN STINKS LIKE BOOZE IN
THE MORNING".
iEntry CORPORATE OFFICE BUILDING - Some of the various employees from
eZined.com had a pow-wow gossiping at lunch this Wednesday to discuss
the re-occurring smell that embraces the newsroom every morning when
Tim walks in.
"We like to play 'Name the Liquor' every time he stumbles in,"
claimed Kim Rasinen, publicist for eZined. "Sometimes it's a single 
malt Scotch. And sometimes it's so obvious that he was hitting
the Beast the night before."
"It's anybody's guess how he gets here in the morning. Could be a
donkey, for all we know. Certainly smells like it," commented Betsy
Boyd, editor of FemmeJolie.
"It's hard for him to find his desk sometimes, even if it's the only
empty one there," added Amy Taylor of WomensBizNews. "I'm really
tired of him dancing on my damn desk. He keeps leaving shoe prints on
all my important shit! He thinks he's so damn funny. Little jerk."
In defense of Tim, NetDummy's Patrick Stoddard said, "The only
thing I don't like is when he dips into my stash. He knows where I
hide my flask. Besides that, he's cool."
When confronted, Tim claimed, "You guys are all ganging up on me.
You're not my friends."
Heather Kendall, who reportedly had some "issues" with Tim in the
past claimed, "Let's just say I offer to give him a bath
everyday... It's that bad."
"That would be fun," replied Tim.
We'll keep you updated on Tim's smell.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
 |
Get a Rio500 MP3 player for $49* |
|
A great offer from Audible.com, the leading provider of premium
downloadable spoken word audio. Get a Rio500 for $49 after $50
manufacturer's mail in rebate - that's over 80% off the SRP of $269.
Turn that time in the car into Story time with Audible. Download each
month any two audiobooks in our store for only 9.95.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
UNDER-EDUCATED DELIVERY MAN WONDERS, "WHO'S GOT THEIR FINGER ON THE
CHICKEN SWITCH?"
LEXINGTON, KY - eZined.com writers Patrick Stoddard and Tim Mars were
enjoying a break outside when they were confronted by a strange man
on his delivery route.
"Where's all the snow?" The obvious Kentucky native seemed perplexed.
The two ignored the man until he again subjected his thoughts, "Someone must have their finger on the chicken switch."
The two writers whole-heartedly agreed that, indeed, someone HAD
their finger on the chicken switch".
As the man left he advised the two to "Stay dry."
We'll keep you informed on the wetness of RadicalComedy.com.
Tim@RadicalComedy.com
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
NEW ARMY RECRUIT DISCOVERS, CONTRARY TO COMMERCIALS AND PROMISES OF
RECRUITER, "BOOT CAMP SUCKS"
BOISE, ID - Cecil Mathers, new recruit for the US Army, was alarmed
when he arrived at Boot Camp to discover that the advertisements and
the recruiter were both, "feeding him a bunch of bullshit."
"Hell, I thought I was going to drive a tank or something, you know,
something cool," claimed Cecil.
Apparently Cecil now realizes that he is a worthless piece of shit.
He is nothing. Pond scum. "Yeah, they say they have to break me
down to build me up. I guess the building up thing happens later."
Cecil continued, "The recruiter told me to bring a camera so I could
get pictures of all the new friends I was going to make. As soon
as everyone realized I had a camera though, they started calling me
'little camera boy' and the Sergeant hit me over the head with the
it."
When asked why he joined, Cecil answered, "I saw the commercial. The
one where they're like, 'after a weekend like this, college is easy.'
Now I'm thinking, 'Hell yeah, it's easier. Your professors don't
beat the shit out of you when you say the wrong thing.'"
Cecil has planned to stop writing and any other constructive hobbies
to focus more on his killing techniques. We'll keep you up to date.
Send Cecil some advice care of:
Tim@RadicalComedy.com
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
LOCAL ELEMENTARY STUDENTS TAKE "SEX-ED" TO THE PLAYGROUND
CLEVELAND, OH - Johnson Elementary students recently surprised Mrs.
Inglesten Thursday with their re-creation of fornication taught to
them in a fourth-grade sex education class.
"The kids were really enthused about the class," Inglesten said.
"Many of them wanted to demonstrate their knowledge of the subject
in class. I wasn't too wild about that."
Apparently the children have already been exposed to sex-ed via
the Internet.
9-year-old Bobby Suymons, over-achiever and frequent after-hours web
surfer said, "I knew what they were talking about real quick. I know
that hot, horny college babes want me to blow my load. Whatever
that means."
Mrs. Inglesten is pleased with the children's enthusiasm and hopes to
transfer some of the excitement into her reading classes.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
