RADICAL COMEDIAN NOT AFRAID OF GETTING SUED BY AREA MAN CLAIMING, "THIS GUY PROBABLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE INTERNET IS"

LEXINTGON, KY- When RadicalComedy.com editor Tim Mars stumbled across a picture of a drunken fool, no thought of legal consequences for posting this man's picture came into his head as he claimed, "This guy probably doesn't own a computer, let alone know how to access the Internet. He probably thinks a browser is someone in a store who shops without buying anything."

After a short debate, it was unanimously decided that Tim was correct, and indeed, the man in the picture did not appear to be a web-savvy drunk.

"I mean, not that it really matters, but look at this guy," continued Tim. "He's probably the type of guy that gets loaded and starts telling girls he's the President of the Hair Club for Men...Then he probably says, 'Here! Look at my shoulders!'"

Editors for eZined.com are excited to see if the man responds. If so, we'll have full coverage of the trial at

Tim@RadicalComedy.com

SAVANNAH, GA- Guy Summers, Georgia native and owner of Forest Lawn Mortuaries, recently took a new strategy for marketing his business.

"You know," said Guy while gnawing on a loaf of French bread and some esspresso, "I'm not saying I wish people misfortune. I want everyone to live a long and prosperous life. But let's face it, this is a business I'm running here. It's just like anything else. And I don't mind being cut-throat to get business."

Perhaps Guy meant this literally.

Apparently Forest Lawn has launched a series of ads with slogans such as "We're just dying to see you." Other slogans include "We love to make you look like you're smiling" (inspired partially by McDonald's 'We love to see you smile'); "Who needs a seatbelt?" and the popular (pictured above) "Look one way before crossing the street."

"You see, people like this type of thing," continued Guy. "With consumers, you have to be direct. You have to tell them what to do. I mean, they're cattle. They'll do whatever you say. All you have to do is advertise."

To advertise on RadicalComedy.com, contact
Tim@ientry.com

BOSTON, MA- A new study released by the Progressive Institution of MIT concluded that, contrary to some speculations that cows were capable of complex inter-communication, cows were really just big animals with no purpose other than to feed the faces of humans.

"We were really trying to give vegetarians something to throw into an argument," explained Steffan Nevaski, head of the experiment and avid vegetarian. "Now it looks like we just proved a point for all of those damn meat-eating bastards."

The study consisted of several exercises that tested the coherence and reflexes of cows.

"We had this one test where we would put the food in a trail that lead into a brick wall. We really hoped that the cows would eat the trail of food, and stop at the brick wall instead of clobbering their own heads. No such luck..."

The experimenters had numerous other "intelligence testing" techniques that they deployed.

"One of us dressed as a cow," said Steffan. "I swear, the cows really thought we were one of them. Then we tried to teach them some kind of command. You know, like 'sit' or 'bark' or something. The cows would just look at us."

Disappointed and weary about spending $12,000 of MIT's research fund, Steffan says he'll be looking for a new way to redeem his credibility in the scientific world.

"I'm going to do something big, with a lot of impact. I was thinking...maybe a study on why Indiana natives are slower than people from anywhere else. That wouldn't take much proving at all."